R A N T 1.0
don`t be afraid, but also: it`s ok to be afraid. like it`s ok not to be ok, but also ok to try being ok anyway. yes, these words might sound oddly preachy, stoned or pointless. yet on the one hand instragram culture expects us to be successful, beautiful and happy all the time, whilst tumblr culture made depression and other mental illnesses - as like with a lot of fiction - into a romanticized ideal. the latter finding its way into the former, since the latter made itself upsolete in said process.
so basically, just like with female model bodies, those ideals are often two very extremes that most people don`t naturally fit into, which isn`t only fine, it`s fucking #goals. to be real and authentic no matter how dark or light your thoughts might be, both are valid emotions (beautiful in their own right, even complete boredom and normalcy) and neither should ever be glorified to the extend that no one will ever be able to obtain them again with content and acceptance.
nostalgia washes over me more and more as all these different platforms seem to lack what it was like in the beginning: pure authentic chaos. without the ads, without the tracking of your every move and analyse your emotions to such an extend their algorithms are able to not just target the right ads, but even changing your mood purposefully, with only one objective: make more monetary gains.
i wish i could have told MySpace Tom back in the day that it was a horrible idea to get rid of the html feature and the comment section. i might have been biased, since ?uestlove once left a comment for me about not being able to see my profile due to using a different browser. so i changed my html code for him and he commented back ``i was blind, but now i see``. i was like 14 at the time and i think it`s a great way to get excited about coding when you can use it as a kid in a creative way to communicate with your peers.
what all these different social media platforms lack - apart the ethics - that they just don`t please everyone, especially not artists, nor journalists or scientists for that matter. i mean imagine a place where it`s ideal for people to present their works online the best way fit to them in a way that makes is easy for others to buy, support, share with credit and links to said projects. i`m thinking a bridge between blogs/tumblr/instagram/pinterest, reddit/discord servers/facebook groups/fora, bandcamp and soundcloud as the new spotify implimented in a myspace way with a more exciting and engaging layout and openness than any of those with wetransfer potentially supplying the storage pacacity, oh and etsy, ebay and depop united and a vimeo/youtube/twitch in a way best for its content creators.
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my 2¢ (rant 2.0)
seek support first off asap. this can be in any shape. if you`re able to you might want to seek professional help, but if you`re not for whatever reason don`t worry. reach out to family or friends if you have the energy and/or emotional strength to do so. if not, which is very common, start by finding people online not to vent to, but just to connect. have funny conversations, deep discussions, finding common grounds with people you would have never thought you`d be able to respect and accept their different point of view, because they come from a completely different point of departure and path. sometimes not if not often not dwelling on your issues and emotions when they have gotten the best of you, can do a great amount of good.
this is all coming from someone who`s been battling with severe depression since at least the age of 9, whoa beginning to think my aunt might have had a point that i became vegan too early in life. anyway, so yea, sure diet, sleep, exercise, we all know how important it is, but that type of healing is usually only available when having somehow regained enough strength and energy to start working on that part of the healing process. btw, i`m not advocating against depression, i`m just here to help anyone battling with debilitating depression, because being depressed is a very healthy mindset in a world full of ongoing slavery, exploitation, destruction and genocide.
literally the only reason i share all this as part of my own process of battling the debilitation, not the depression itself. and in this i want to share all the stuff i found along the way concerning diet and sleep. of course a lot of this is very personal and in no way reflects a universal need, however we do all need often over looked things like oxytocin, endorphines, natural melatonin, cortisol, vitamine b12, d &k, magnesium, iodide and so on.
to everyone taking artificial melatonin
, please read yourself up on it before you continue. it`s not adviced to just screw around with your hormones like that. it`s even proven that a portion of us isn`t even able to properly digest it out of our brains, meaning it can lead to a build up that will have to feeling chronically ill, which will naturally lead to depression. which brings me to my next often very misunderstood and underrated hormone: cortisol
. without it, you wouldn`t wake up. surely when in excess it can lead to stress, however a lack can cause depression. it`s the hormone that is behind every of our actions. caffeine stimulates the production of cortisol in most people, which is why for many it`s a great way to wake up, but also not advices to take after noon basically, at least not after 5PM if you want to have a common sleeping schedule. (about 10% of the population is immune to the psychoactive properties of caffeine, so those are usually the ones who can drink coffee after dinner without having issues falling asleep) the thing is, melatonin and cortisol work together, so basically half the day you`ll be fueled by cortisol from the moment you wake up to about when the sun starts to set. then naturally the melatonin will take over as it starts to become dark, which is why no screens, bright light and especially no blue lights are adviced hours before bed, because this will stop the melatonin to take over from the cortisol. but due a lot of us not having the most balanced diet, cortisol is often more in lack than in abundance. so i try to drink rhodiola rosea
at least in the morning with a glass of water, because it helps the body to produce cortisol if needed and restore the balance between both melatonin and cortisol as well. apparently it`s an ancient remedy against anxiety and depression, i bet helping out our hormones plays a major part in that.
to everyone taking vitamine d
, supposedly it will depleat your system of both vitamine K (yea lol not ketamine, but the actual vitamine K) and magnesium. since i eat mostly vegan literally my only source is natto, which luckily i don`t find all that disgusting. i use magnesium oil, because it supposedly is better absorbed into the body that way, though studies have been shown to debate this, i find it to be the safest way, since i prefer not taking too many suppliments orally, which can be unnecessarily tough on the liver and kidneys. fyi apparently a great way to find out if you`re magnesium deficient, which apparently most people are (since most of the grounds our food grows on are magnesium depleated aka we really need to start making permaculture the norm but oh well), is if you clinch your jaw, either during sleep or after taking specific types of drugs.
to everyone battling dandruff
or any other fungi that lives on the skin, like athletes feet or those red, dark or light spots some people get on their torso, usually is your body telling you that the balance between natural bacteria and fungi in the gut has been screwed over. this is in my person case basically always caused by binging too much sugar or other carbs, but it can clearly be due to taking some antibiotics or whatever reason. my favorite way to fix this is just by going keto for a while and this literally always does the trick, for me personally. though i should really by some probiotics too, which i believe cannot hurt most people and can oddly make a great deal of difference. just remember that our moods are mostly caused by hormones and most of them are in some way reliant on a healthy gut.
to every vegan
taking suppliments for the common deficiencies: please try first adding more nuts, seeds, vegetables and legumes to your diet if you`re not allergic. this is great to battling iron deficiency
, binging nuts like brasil nuts or apple paste for those allergic, it`s so rich of iron you`ll probably not have to take suppliments for it ever again. for vitamine b12
i love adding natural yeast to savory meals, it is a great substitute for cheese taste wise and it goes too well with salted popcorn (i make sure to get organic always. my grandma always urges this, because those are supposedly the only ones not GMO, idk if it really matters, maybe not, but it doesn`t make much of a difference in price anyway so why risk it? the same goes for soy products btw.), adding a bit of cumin too is fucking addictive in a great way. also soy lovers
, please read on the toxicity of non fermented soy beans, so try if you eat tofu, get the fermented one or just simply go with tempeh instead, i love both, but please rather use any other type of plant based milk, almonds might be worse for the environment, but yea occassionally i gotto live you know?
personal stuff i use whenever i`m not doing too bad is graviola tea and occasionally some ketamine. those things are definitely more specific to my personal needs. though i do find ketamine to be a much safer option for most people compared to antidepressants that have to first be build up in order for them to work. specifically all the risks that can come from them like both suicidal tendencies as well as ending up in a mania for others or both even. just like with basically all uppers and antidepressants, ketamine releases dopamine, so it can be both addictive as well as fuck up your natural hormonal balance. so again i would not advice doing this without proper research, preferably consultation and as a lk last resort maybe.
my actual last resort is basically always psilocybin, somehow it always works retrospectively, because i will always have a horrible debilitating trip and the personal risk of ending up in a psychosis, just like with weed, which is why i would never recommend either. which i sadly see so many other do. i mean if you`re positive you cannot get into a psychosis, there is clearly no harm in taking them, but for those of us who are, many are often unaware until these or other drugs puts them into a psychosis. so please be very mindful, just because it`s natural, doesn`t mean it can`t fuck you up. though i know too many people who wouldn`t survive without weed, so yea everyone`s difference in that sense, but like very fucking different, sadly a lot of psychiatrists tend to forget this too, so please never trust them blindly for they in many cases seem to have an insentive in giving medicine, which in most cases is really not what is needed to fix what`s wrong and often only makes things worse in the long run. then again there`s nothing wrong with having to rely on medicine, i do it too, but i often do wonder if i had to, hadn`t i been medicated with a lot of things that worked completely the opposite in my system, as with so many others like me, since puberty..the fact they literally give meth under another name to kids in the US and other amphetamines to kids in the EU is just beyond me, like maybe just don`t?!
sorry, lol i`m still coping with how badly the mental health industry fucked me over and really urge specially kids, teenagers and parents to be aware of the implications getting to wrong medication can lead, meaning does it really way out the benefits? because i feel in most cases, that`s never really the case. giving meth to a young kid, like please do not fucking go there and defend that. i`ve suffered from ADHD /being extremely hyper my entire childhood, but boy was i blessed they only medicated me later in life, because damn that would have been a hot mess otherwise..
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C R E D I T S 5000
music >>>>> faith game (2020) _Bergsonist
drawing code >>>>> just an illusion (2007) _Gerard Ferrandez
gif >>>>> cube changing sticker (2014) _Vince mcKelvie
rants >>>>> coping with mental illness